Ανεφοδιάστηκα με νέα ανεκδοτάκια!...
A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian
woman for a
few years. One night, during one of their rendezvous,
she confided in
him that she was pregnant.
Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage,
he paid her
a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to have
the child. If she
stayed in Italy, he would also provide child support
until the child
turned 18. She agreed, but wondered how he would know
when the baby was
born. To keep it discrete, he told her to mail him a
post card, and
write "Spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange
for child support.
One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his
confused
wife. "Honey," she said, "you received a very strange
post card today."
"Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later," he
said. The wife
obeyed, and watched as her husband read the card,
turned white, and
fainted.
On the card was written "Spaghetti, Spaghetti,
Spaghetti. Two
with meatballs, one without."
A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive when she accidentally cut off a truck driver. He motioned for her to pull over. When she did, he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket.
He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded the blonde "stand in that circle and DON'T MOVE!". He then went to her car and cut up her leather seats.
When he turned around she had a slight grin on her face, so he said "Oh you think that's funny? Watch this!" He gets a baseball bat out of his truck and breaks every window in her car.
When he turns and looks at her she has a smile on her face. He is getting really mad. He gets his knife back out and slices all her tires.
Now she's laughing. The truck driver is really starting to lose it. He goes back to his truck and gets a can of gas, pours it on her car and sets it on fire.
He turns around and she is laughing so hard she is about to fall down.
"What's so funny?" the truck driver asked the blonde.
She replied, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped outside the circle!"
a comedy-ventriloquist sits on the stage and presents his newest joke collection. after a while he starts joking about blondes for about 10 minutes.
Suddenly a blonde woman in the audience rises and goes straight to the exit. but before she left the hall she shouts to the comedian: "you bastard. that's tyical for men like you. you cannot define the values of a person by looking only on its hair color. people like you are the reason why women like me are not respected by anyone. with this prejudices the image of a blonde woman gets totally wrong."
The comedian felt guilty and tried to apologize. but the blonde woman cut him off and shouted: "and you! you shut up! i am talking with the little guy sitting on your thigh"
The husband and wife go to a counselor after 15 years of marriage.
The counselor asks them what the problem is and the wife goes into a tirade
listing every problem they have ever had in the 15 years they've been
married. She goes on and on and on. Finally, the counselor gets up, goes
around the desk, embraces the woman and kisses her passionately. The woman
shuts up and sits quietly in a daze. The counselor turns to the husband
and says "that is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can
you do that?"
Well, I can bring her in on Monday and Wednesday, but on Friday I'm fishing.
There was this blonde and her blond friend in her car. The blonde driving looks at her friend and asks her to see if her blinker is working. So the blonde looks out the window and says, ''Yes. No. Yes. No.''
After saving a few lives and doing his usual run of the mill crime fighting, Superman takes a breather and flies over the city looking for something interesting to do.
That's when he spots Wonder Woman lying naked on top of a penthouse in a compromising postion. Superman flies on, but is unable to ignore temptation, and quickly returns.
He decides to use his super speed to swoop down, bust a nut, and then fly away before Wonder Woman knows what's hit her.
A few minutes later Superman flies off satisfied leaving Wonder Woman looking bewildered. "What was that?" she exclaims. "I don't know," answered the Invisible Man, "But my ass hurts!"
Bob goes into the public restroom and sees this guy standing next to the urinal. The guy has no arms. As Bob's standing there, taking care of business, he wonders to himself how the poor wretch is going to take a leak.
Bob finishes and starts to leave when the man asks Bob to help him out. Being a kind soul, Bob says, "Ah, OK, sure, I'll help you."
The man asks, "Can you unzip my zipper?"
Bob says, "OK."
Then the man says, "Can you pull it out for me?"
Bob replies, "Uh, yeah, OK."
Bob pulls it out and it has all kinds of mold and red bumps, with hair clumps, rashes, moles, scabs, scars, and reeks something awful. Then the guy asks Bob to point it for him, and Bob points for him. Bob then shakes it, puts it back in and zips it up.
The guy tells Bob, "Thanks, man, I really appreciate it."
Bob says, "No problem, but what the hell's wrong with your penis?"
The guy pulls his arms out of his shirt and says, "I don't know, but I ain't touching it.
a woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch "i couldn't help noticing how happy you look" she said "What's your secret for a long happy life?"
"i smoke three packs of cigarettes a day" he said. "i also do a gram of cocaine a day, a joint every night, a case of whiskey a week, eat junk food, and never exercise"
"that's amazing" said the woman, "how old are you?"
"25"
A chicken and an egg are in bed.
The chicken is content and smoking.
The egg is angry.
The egg says "I guess we answered THAT old question."
Six of the seven dwarfs are sitting around the house one day when Sleepy rushes in and says, "Guess what guys, I've won a trip
to see the Pope!"
Everyone gets all excited and chants, "We finally get to ask him,
we finally get to ask him."
The next day, they are standing in front of the Pope, Dopey out
in front of the other six. All the other six start pushing Dopey
and saying, "Go ahead, Dopey, ask him,ask him!"
The Pope looks at Dopey and asks, "Do you have a question to ask
me, young man?"
Dopey looks up shyly and says, "Well, yes." The Pope tells him to go ahead and ask.
Dopey asks, "Well, do....do they have nuns in Alaska?"
The Pope replies,"Well, yes, I'm sure we have nuns in
Alaska."
The others all keep nudging Dopey and chanting, "Ask him the rest, Dopey, ask him the rest!"
The Pope asks Dopey if there's more to his question, and Dopey continues, "Well, uh, do they have, uh, black nuns in Alaska?"
To which the Pope replies, "Well, my son, I think there must be a few black nuns in Alaska, yes."
Still not satisfied, the others keep saying, "Ask him the last part, Dopey, ask him the last part!"
The Pope asks Dopey, "Is there still more to your question?"
To which Dopey replies, "Well, uh, yeah..... are there, uh, are there any midget black nuns in Alaska?"
The startled Pope replies, "Well, no, my son, I really don't think there are any midget black nuns in Alaska."
At this, Dopey turns all kinds of colors, and the others start laughing, and yelling, "Dopey fucked a penguin, Dopey fucked a penguin!"
A Gun Or A Rolex?
An old Mafia Don is dying and he motions for his grandson to come to his bed side.
"Granson, I wanna you lisina me. I wanna for you to have my chrome plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me."
The grandson replies; "Grampapa, I really don't like guns. How about leaving me your Rolex watch instead?"
The old man replies; "You lisin me. Some day you gonna runna da bussiness, you gonna have lotsa money, a beautiful wife, a biga home and maybe a couple of bambino. Soma day you gonna come home and maybe finda you wife in bed with another man.
Whata you gonna do then?
Pointa to you watch and say "TIME'S UP!?!"
In Heaven...
The Police are British
The cooks are French
The lovers are Italian
The mechanics are German
And everything is run by Swiss
In Hell...
The police are German
The cooks are British
The mechanics are French
The lovers are Swiss
And everything is run by Italians!
Enough for today...
A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian
woman for a
few years. One night, during one of their rendezvous,
she confided in
him that she was pregnant.
Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage,
he paid her
a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to have
the child. If she
stayed in Italy, he would also provide child support
until the child
turned 18. She agreed, but wondered how he would know
when the baby was
born. To keep it discrete, he told her to mail him a
post card, and
write "Spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange
for child support.
One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his
confused
wife. "Honey," she said, "you received a very strange
post card today."
"Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later," he
said. The wife
obeyed, and watched as her husband read the card,
turned white, and
fainted.
On the card was written "Spaghetti, Spaghetti,
Spaghetti. Two
with meatballs, one without."
A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive when she accidentally cut off a truck driver. He motioned for her to pull over. When she did, he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket.
He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded the blonde "stand in that circle and DON'T MOVE!". He then went to her car and cut up her leather seats.
When he turned around she had a slight grin on her face, so he said "Oh you think that's funny? Watch this!" He gets a baseball bat out of his truck and breaks every window in her car.
When he turns and looks at her she has a smile on her face. He is getting really mad. He gets his knife back out and slices all her tires.
Now she's laughing. The truck driver is really starting to lose it. He goes back to his truck and gets a can of gas, pours it on her car and sets it on fire.
He turns around and she is laughing so hard she is about to fall down.
"What's so funny?" the truck driver asked the blonde.
She replied, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped outside the circle!"
a comedy-ventriloquist sits on the stage and presents his newest joke collection. after a while he starts joking about blondes for about 10 minutes.
Suddenly a blonde woman in the audience rises and goes straight to the exit. but before she left the hall she shouts to the comedian: "you bastard. that's tyical for men like you. you cannot define the values of a person by looking only on its hair color. people like you are the reason why women like me are not respected by anyone. with this prejudices the image of a blonde woman gets totally wrong."
The comedian felt guilty and tried to apologize. but the blonde woman cut him off and shouted: "and you! you shut up! i am talking with the little guy sitting on your thigh"
The husband and wife go to a counselor after 15 years of marriage.
The counselor asks them what the problem is and the wife goes into a tirade
listing every problem they have ever had in the 15 years they've been
married. She goes on and on and on. Finally, the counselor gets up, goes
around the desk, embraces the woman and kisses her passionately. The woman
shuts up and sits quietly in a daze. The counselor turns to the husband
and says "that is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can
you do that?"
Well, I can bring her in on Monday and Wednesday, but on Friday I'm fishing.
There was this blonde and her blond friend in her car. The blonde driving looks at her friend and asks her to see if her blinker is working. So the blonde looks out the window and says, ''Yes. No. Yes. No.''
After saving a few lives and doing his usual run of the mill crime fighting, Superman takes a breather and flies over the city looking for something interesting to do.
That's when he spots Wonder Woman lying naked on top of a penthouse in a compromising postion. Superman flies on, but is unable to ignore temptation, and quickly returns.
He decides to use his super speed to swoop down, bust a nut, and then fly away before Wonder Woman knows what's hit her.
A few minutes later Superman flies off satisfied leaving Wonder Woman looking bewildered. "What was that?" she exclaims. "I don't know," answered the Invisible Man, "But my ass hurts!"
Bob goes into the public restroom and sees this guy standing next to the urinal. The guy has no arms. As Bob's standing there, taking care of business, he wonders to himself how the poor wretch is going to take a leak.
Bob finishes and starts to leave when the man asks Bob to help him out. Being a kind soul, Bob says, "Ah, OK, sure, I'll help you."
The man asks, "Can you unzip my zipper?"
Bob says, "OK."
Then the man says, "Can you pull it out for me?"
Bob replies, "Uh, yeah, OK."
Bob pulls it out and it has all kinds of mold and red bumps, with hair clumps, rashes, moles, scabs, scars, and reeks something awful. Then the guy asks Bob to point it for him, and Bob points for him. Bob then shakes it, puts it back in and zips it up.
The guy tells Bob, "Thanks, man, I really appreciate it."
Bob says, "No problem, but what the hell's wrong with your penis?"
The guy pulls his arms out of his shirt and says, "I don't know, but I ain't touching it.
a woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch "i couldn't help noticing how happy you look" she said "What's your secret for a long happy life?"
"i smoke three packs of cigarettes a day" he said. "i also do a gram of cocaine a day, a joint every night, a case of whiskey a week, eat junk food, and never exercise"
"that's amazing" said the woman, "how old are you?"
"25"
A chicken and an egg are in bed.
The chicken is content and smoking.
The egg is angry.
The egg says "I guess we answered THAT old question."
Six of the seven dwarfs are sitting around the house one day when Sleepy rushes in and says, "Guess what guys, I've won a trip
to see the Pope!"
Everyone gets all excited and chants, "We finally get to ask him,
we finally get to ask him."
The next day, they are standing in front of the Pope, Dopey out
in front of the other six. All the other six start pushing Dopey
and saying, "Go ahead, Dopey, ask him,ask him!"
The Pope looks at Dopey and asks, "Do you have a question to ask
me, young man?"
Dopey looks up shyly and says, "Well, yes." The Pope tells him to go ahead and ask.
Dopey asks, "Well, do....do they have nuns in Alaska?"
The Pope replies,"Well, yes, I'm sure we have nuns in
Alaska."
The others all keep nudging Dopey and chanting, "Ask him the rest, Dopey, ask him the rest!"
The Pope asks Dopey if there's more to his question, and Dopey continues, "Well, uh, do they have, uh, black nuns in Alaska?"
To which the Pope replies, "Well, my son, I think there must be a few black nuns in Alaska, yes."
Still not satisfied, the others keep saying, "Ask him the last part, Dopey, ask him the last part!"
The Pope asks Dopey, "Is there still more to your question?"
To which Dopey replies, "Well, uh, yeah..... are there, uh, are there any midget black nuns in Alaska?"
The startled Pope replies, "Well, no, my son, I really don't think there are any midget black nuns in Alaska."
At this, Dopey turns all kinds of colors, and the others start laughing, and yelling, "Dopey fucked a penguin, Dopey fucked a penguin!"
A Gun Or A Rolex?
An old Mafia Don is dying and he motions for his grandson to come to his bed side.
"Granson, I wanna you lisina me. I wanna for you to have my chrome plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me."
The grandson replies; "Grampapa, I really don't like guns. How about leaving me your Rolex watch instead?"
The old man replies; "You lisin me. Some day you gonna runna da bussiness, you gonna have lotsa money, a beautiful wife, a biga home and maybe a couple of bambino. Soma day you gonna come home and maybe finda you wife in bed with another man.
Whata you gonna do then?
Pointa to you watch and say "TIME'S UP!?!"
In Heaven...
The Police are British
The cooks are French
The lovers are Italian
The mechanics are German
And everything is run by Swiss
In Hell...
The police are German
The cooks are British
The mechanics are French
The lovers are Swiss
And everything is run by Italians!
Enough for today...
